Failure OR Success...Which do you FEAR most?

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NEW YEAR…NEW ME!!! The infamous saying that you always hear at the beginning of a new year.

Whether you live by this saying or not, I’m pretty sure that you want to get better in whatever you do and also accomplish ALL of the goals that you have set for yourself this year.

You may have a goal to lose a few pounds. You may want to start investing your money in the stock market. You may have aspirations to follow your passion(s) in order to have a more fulfilled life. You may want to start reading for an hour each day to stimulate your mind or even obtain a professional certification in your field in order to maximize your earning potential.  

Whatever your goal may be, it seems that it becomes more and more unattainable due to FEAR. That fear often creeps in and get in the way of EVERYTHING!!!

What if I fail? How will people treat me if I’m successful in my new role? I’m not worthy of this recognition. I’m never good at doing anything. If I don’t try, then I can’t fail. I don’t like change at all.

All of these thoughts may come to mind when deciding whether or not to step out on faith. Each thought is linked to the Fear of Failure or associated to the Fear of Success. So Al, what are you talking about man?!?

Well after a little research via Le’ Google and some self-reflection on these concepts around in my head, here is what I came up with:

The Fear of Failure is that insecure feeling that you have when you believe that you can’t achieve anything. Most likely, you second guess yourself and don’t want to step outside your confront zone. Or it can be that worrisome feeling that clouds your every thought and causes hella anxiety and procrastination. It can also involve your need to be a perfectionist and be in “control” of your journey. Or you may be that person that makes excuse after excuse on why you haven’t started that one business venture you’ve been talking about for years.

The Fear of Success is that paralyzing mentality where you worry about how people will perceive you if you win. With that new found notoriety, the pressure for you to continue to be successful increases and tons of responsibilities are piled on your never ending to-do list. Or just the thought of being successful makes you cringe and forces you to stress out about stuff that you can’t even control. Or creating impactful change and moving forward in life causes a sense of guilt that overwhelms your mind. You may feel vulnerable in the “spotlight” or you may even feel alone at the “top.”

You may ask yourself…”Man, do people really struggle with this?” And I will answer that question for you. HELL YEAH, we struggle with this ALL THE TIME.

To be honest, I started this blog post a year ago and never finished it because I thought nobody would be interested in reading about this “fear” stuff. See, how easy it was for the fear of failure to creep in?

I also remember before we launched Black Married Life, I was concerned how people would perceive us as a couple and didn’t want the blog to come off as a “show boat” thing. That fear of success stuff is REAL man…especially for myself.

Has anything like this ever happened to you before? What did you do to combat it? Well here are a few quick tips that can help you combat these FEARS, so you can LIVE YO BEST LIFE!!!

Be Positive!

Being positive is half the battle in accomplishing anything in life. Positivity is contagious and it can be that one thing that will help you get through those challenging times during your journey. In a nutshell...Whatever you put in the atmosphere is what you get back. #PositiveVibesOnly

Set GOALS

At times, we may set a lofty goal for ourselves and get overwhelmed with the amount of work and sacrifice it takes to obtain that goal. If this is the case for you, use the SMART goal method (Specific | Measurable | Achievable | Realistic | Timely) and chop them bad boys up into baby steps. Once you accomplish one baby step, use that momentum for the next baby step until you achieve your ultimate goal!

Don’t Worry about Other People

Whether we like to admit it or not, we ALL care about what people say and think about us. We are humans and we are emotional creatures...I get it! However, worrying about other people’s opinions and what they have to say doesn’t benefit you at all. People will always have something to say about you and feel a certain about you...That’s their problem not yours. So forget them and do YOU!  

Just Do It!

These three words can cause someone a lot of anxiety or it may sound really cliché to you. However, if you don’t do it, you will never know what could’ve happened if you just gave it a shot. If you fail, then you fail and if you succeed, then you succeed. Bet on YOURSELF and visualize your future as a SUCCESS and not as a FAILURE!

Grind…And Grind Some MORE

As the great Mike Jones once said, “You don’t GRIND, then you won’t SHINE!”

What Mr. Jones said is definitely true, however, the grind is much more than JUST being able to shine and floss on social media. It has everything to do with the journey, learning along the way and implementing the various things you have learned during your grind. It is also deals with being accountable to yourself and really putting in the work to get where you want to be and what you want out of your journey. And at the end of the day, it’s all about PROGRESSION NOT perfection during the grind!

No matter which of these fears impacts you the most, both of them can limit your growth and hold you back from what has been destined for YOU! With whatever you want to accomplish, just remember you have EVERYTHING to GAIN and NOTHING to LOOSE!

And as I close, I would like to leave you with these two quotes that have really resonated with me.

There is nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.
— Malcolm X
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us….Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do…And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
— Marianne Williamson

Check out these books…they all have helped me get over that FEAR…All great reads! And drop a comment below if you have any other book recommendations.